Conflict in our Lives

The students from The Community School were invited by our neighbor, Professor Alex Hooke, to present papers at this 7th Undergraduate Seminar on Conflict. This led to a period of individual and group reflection on the many kinds of conflict faced by these young people and the lessons that can be learned. The students approached this with honesty and depth.  This presentation is part of our invitation to you to catch a glimpse into the lives of those whose voice is usually unheard.

- Tom Culotta 

Everywhere you go there is a conflict waiting to happen. Conflicts that happen in schools have to deal with gangs, bullying, and teachers and students fusing. On the streets, people like to think they own things, so they try to start a conflict over a problem that could have been talked out. In homes and families different types of conflicts happen. Step outside and you see conflicts everyday from words to physical contact.      

Conflicts have many definitions but most conflicts have to deal with your mouth.  If you say one thing wrong out of your mouth that’s a verbal conflict. Selling drugs is an economic conflict because people want to make money, but they are killing the people that they are selling it to. Fist fighting is a common physical conflict that can be talked over by the two opponents rather  than having to solve the problem physically.  Lawyers or politicians have  verbal conflict every day for a living to prove their case. Conflicts can be solved in simple ways but people usually take the difficult way.    

- Desmond Carter, 15

I witness a lot of conflicts in my life but this one tops the charts. On a warm Sunday after noon around 1:00 everyone who was someone was on the block just hanging out, the usual. The, about five boys walked down the block.                                                                                                             

They walked down the street mean mugging everyone that looked at them. They were around the age of 16 or 17. The young boys stood at the end of the block on the corner and started to talk and fuss really loud. As my friends and I sit on the nearest steps, they spotted us looking at them. They came over. Some of our hearts stopped and others stood up and braced themselves for what was about to happen. “Eye problem?”, one of the boys says, “Yea, want to solve it?”, of my friends said.                                                                                              

Then, before you knew it, the boys whose steps we were on came outside and said, “Can you get off my front with all of that noise?”.  But the cocky boys didn’t move. My friend said, “Be gone when I come back”. The dumb boys not knowing what will happen next said” F@#* him”. Without hesitation my friend said, “Okay.” My friend that is only 16 runs down the front into a red truck.                                                                                                                            

Awhile has passed, I say no more than 30 minutes, and the boys go back across the street. Many of us see the red truck go into the nearest alley. The cocky boys across the street see us and start taking off their shirts preparing to fight. About 11or12 boys ran out of the house. The cocky boys run. The boys that ran out of the house stood in the middle of the street and started letting off rounds and round of ammunition. The ground starts to shake, and fire comes out of the guns.

Different guns made different sounds. Some kids run to see what happened and who got hit. Some parents ran outside just to tell their kids to come in. The boys in the street quickly ran to the nearest cut in the ally and started throwing guns everywhere. You can hear some of the boys that got hit scream. Then the Police came and cleared the area.  Kids that don’t listen get pushed in the paddy wagon.

So if you hit someone’s block, think twice before getting cocky.                                                     

- Jarrad Gladden, 16

Conflict is to come into a collision or a disagreement. Here in my neighborhood there are plenty of conflicts because people can never let anything go. They always feel that they have to prove themselves to other people. For an example, if two groups of people are walking down the street and one of them looks at the other wrong, then there will be conflict between the two groups.

At The Community School,  we know how to settle our conflicts without any arguments or fighting. If the whole neighborhood could learn to settle their conflicts the same way we do, then I think the neighborhood would be a better place to live.

The conflict that I think is the worst is when kids treat their parents with no respect. Most parents do so much for their kids and they don’t give anything back for appreciation. I see all the time where some of my friends feel that they don’t need an adult in their life. Usually this is between the ages of twelve and fifteen, which is the time when they need their parents the most. But they feel thay are ready to be independent, but they’re not even close. If kids would just appreciate the love and care that is giving to them, their family should become closer instead of having coflict.

Another example of conflict is the “he say, she say” matter. Someone says that another person was talking about him or her when half the time it isn’t even true. Then the outcome usually ends up with a fight between the two people without any facts to support why they were fighting in the first place. When they are done settling that conflict another one would probably be formed once more just so people would be entertained. After the first fight,  the people would know that it would be easy to start another one.

The conflicts that I have explained are just a couple that have happened around my neighborhood. All the conflicts were avoidable if the people had examined the situation more clearly. People should resolve conflict instead of making more conflict so our neighborhood would be a safer environment to raise kids and live life the way it should be.

- Samantha Sloat, 15

I was in White Marsh Mall and the manager of Foot Locker thought that some kid stole a pair of shoes from the store. The manager called security and they started looking for the kid. One of the security guards that was running tripped and fell on his face. When they caught up to the boy, the boy said, “My mom told me to take the shoes because we did not have any money to buy them.” One of the security guards asked the boy, “If your mom told you to jump off a bridge, Would you do it?” They let the little boy go and went looking for his mother. When they found his mother they locked her right up. She asked them, “Why are you locking me up? What did I do?” The security guards said, “You want your kid to steal shoes, then we are going to lock you up.” While this was all going on the little boy was laughing at his mother. 

- Gary Heathcote, 17

In my neighborhood, police steadily are involved in conflict. You can’t do anything without them showing up. We weren’t even able to play football in the street.

My friend, some neighborhood kids, and I were playing football in the middle of the street. This wasn’t a big deal because we played in the street a lot. We moved for cars and held the ball when people walked by. Whoever wanted to play, could. Usually, if we start with four people; we’d end with ten.

While playing, we heard some sirens, but never expected that they were coming for us. We continued to play for a few minutes, and then, the police came. There were four police cars trapping us in the middle of the street. As the police pulled up, I was trying to remember if I had done anything that I would have gotten arrested for. I didn’t remember anything, so I was really nervous or worried about the whole situation.

They got out of their cars and told us to put out hands on our heads. As we stood there, following their instructions, the police officers searched our pockets, shoes, hats, and in nearby cars or bushes. It took the officers about five minutes to search us. In my pockets I had my keys, Chap Stick, and some money. In the back of my mind, I was hoping that the cops wouldn’t plant anything on me, and they didn’t.

After the search, there was nothing illegal found on any of us. They said the reason for the search was because there have been a lot of robberies occurring in the area. This made me a little mad because I couldn’t believe the cops would search a bunch of kids, thinking that we were robbers. In the end, no one was arrested. They said we all had to go home and that our new curfew was now at 8:30 P.M.

- Thomas Magaha, 15

The most conflict in our society has to deal with gangs. Gang violence has risen dramatically over the past years. Most homicide is gang related. The main reason why people are joining gangs is because they need protection. Once you are in a gang you are in it for life. The only way to get out is death. A gang is like joining a family. Once you are in that family you have to do everything that they tell you to do. But you are always protected no matter what the situation is.

The reason why gang members are killing people is because they are always beefing. Once they have killed enough people then they turn into an O.G. (original gangster). Whoever kills people over the reasons gangs kill people deserves the death penalty. The reason why I say this is because you are killing over a stupid reason. Gangs don’t look at killing in the other way, which is - what if it was your family or even you that got killed? When you kill people you send them away forever. That is what catches me when I think about killing people.

I think that you are not really a man if you join a gang because you are always hiding behind your homeboys. If you are a grown man in a gang, then you are a coward because don’t no grown man need nobody’s protection. The reason that many gangs originally started is because they were organized drug dealers. Drug traders started to beef with each other.

Gangs even have little kids at the ages of one years old in it. The reason how I know is because if your parents are in it, then you are in it. The different gangs today are spreading faster than ever. Back in the day there were no female gangs but know a days they have all types of gangs. The only thing that I am saying with this message is don’t join gangs.

- Kenyon Paye, 16

I have experienced many conflicts in my life. Of the many conflicts I’ve been in, over half of them ended badly. There are a lot of things I’ve learned from conflicts. Never back down from a conflict unless you know it will end badly. Or if you don’t want to get into any trouble you shouldn’t be in or around a conflict. You should never start a conflict unless the other person deserves it.

If someone wants to start a conflict with you, just back away. Sometimes people don’t walk away and they end up getting hurt because of it. Some people love to start fights and some people hate to even be a part of one. If someone is getting ready to start a conflict with someone you know just tell him or her to back off. If they don’t, its their fault, not yours. I always look for a conflict before I walk into a building. If I know there’s going to be conflict then I won’t go in. Some people just go in wanting trouble, but not me.

To conclude, Conflicts are bad. Never start a conflict because you might not want to finish it. If they don’t deserve the conflict, don’t let them have it. If they give it to you walk away, but if they deserve it then give it to them. Conflicts can lead to many serious consequences and they could have a very bad affect on your life.  If you don’t want to get into trouble, then stay away from conflicts. So never get yourself into a conflict unless it’s really worth it.

-  Jackie Bales, 15

Conflicts happen in variety of ways, there is more than just one type of conflict. Having good verbal skills and refusal skills can prevent conflicts. Conflicts are things people learn from every day. People say, “Aanother day, another dollar,” but it should be “Another day, another conflict.” If you pay close attention to a conflict, they are very easy to learn from so you can never do it again.  

One day a conflict broke out in my house about me going to school. My mother and I fussed all day long for the dumbest things. From the time I started high school to the present, my mother and I fuss. I learned a lot of things from the variety of conflicts my mother and I were a part of. I learned if you take the easy way instead of the hard way the solution will come out better. The easy way of saying, if you talk it over with the person it might go a little smoother, but if you take the hard way, the solution will never get solved or the conflict will become physical. 

If you are a great conflict solver you don’t have to read this last paragraph. Conflicts can help you realize that it is not healthy to have verbal conflicts or physical conflicts. You will know that it is better to prevent conflict than to be an instigator and fire up or start the conflict. Take control of your life and learn from your mistakes, don’t keep making them.  

- Desmond Carter, 15

These are just some of the reflections of our class.  What have we learned from examining conflict in our lives these last few weeks?  We realized just how much they are a part of our lives.  We know that conflicts can be good when they help things come out in the open and get resolved.  We know that they can be stupid and senseless and that they can get people killed.  We live in a dangerous and crazy world, but remain committed to making our way through it.

This paper was presented by students of The Community School at the 7th Annual Undergraduate Conference at Villa Julie College on Conflicts: National, Cultural, Political that was held on April 9, 2007.

L to R Jarrad Gladden, Kenyon Paye, Justin Switzer, Heather Keener, Gary Heathcote, Professor Alex Hooke, and Desmond Carter.

Internal Wounds:

A Struggle of a Young Man’s Inner Turmoil

Opening

Conflict! Deciding one thing over the other is what we all do everyday. That is conflict. The simplest things can be considered conflicts. For example, deciding on what you want for dinner. Yes, it may be considered insignificant, but it is a decision in your everyday life.  Of course, there are many more important inner conflicts than this one. For example, you might begin battling depression after your father’s death. Everything can cause conflict in your life, be it the most picayune or gargantuan.

Body

There is a never-ending battle within everyone’s mind and spirit. The actualization of this is enlightening because you can learn from each conflict you face in every aspect of your life. Once you accept that, you are able to commence your journey to find yourself through outside and inside forces. There comes a time when you must face up to who you are and what made you that way. For me, there are so many things that caused me to realize this, but I am going to share a little story with you that shaped and influenced my life.

When I was 11 years old, my life was that of a carefree kid. I was blind to the terrible things that occurred, such as my father's alcoholism, my mother's gambling, and the fact that we only had enough money to scrape by. That stuff didn't matter to me because I had both of my parents to love and care for me. I was a relatively happy kid. There were no complaints as to which show I wanted to watch, what I wanted to wear, or how I was treated, and I felt as though life was good. I didn't care what show was on the television as long as I was spending time with my family. Also, the way I was treated was great because I wasn't spoiled, but I got the affection that every young child needs to grow.

There was nothing in the world that made me happier than being my parents' child. Then an unforeseen occurrence happened. My father grew deathly ill. He was diagnosed with cirrhosis due to his excessive drinking of the past. He faced a decision whether to fight for his life so that he could share the rest of his time on earth with his two boys or just to submit to the disease, thus facing death. Since family was so important to him, his obvious choice was to undergo surgery for his family.

The operation was a success, but it left him brain dead. I was utterly devastated. Shortly after a conflict arose, but not for me, my mother had to make a decision to keep him alive and brain dead or pull the plug and hope he would struggle out of it. Turns out that my father no longer wanted to fight for life, he just wanted a release from the harsh world around him. Conflict was deeply involved in this circumstance because of my mother’s decision and the battle inside of her that was taking place.

Because of this specific external conflict, I have become a different person. Yes, like everyone else that went through such a traumatic event, I grieved. I grieved such a way that I thought no one had ever grieved. I began to write dark poetry and cut myself - not for the intent of suicide, but just to feel pain to know that I was still alive. I withdrew from the world. The reason for my response was because internal conflict arose both because of the death of my father, as well as the external conflict that my mother underwent. The harsh reality began to set in of not having my father there to watch over me, guiding me in the path of wisdom, and instead, I started to wallow in my inner turmoil.

The world around me began to change because of my father's death. In a sense, it was both crumbling and becoming better at the same time. It was really hard to talk about his death, not only for me but also for the whole family. I was sort of pitied by everyone I ever told about the death of my father, and I never quite understood why. My mother was deeply affected by his death too as she became very motherly and withdrawn at the same time. You could tell that things were just not right because she had never really been motherly to me. Things began to get better financially because my father did make sure that he set us up if his demise came before his time. We were now able to live relatively well for many years afterwards.

While the world around me was changing, the world inside me was changing as well. I fought within myself with each and every breath that I took, hoping and praying for the severe pain that I felt to go away. I blamed myself for his death, even though I knew it wasn’t my fault. I constantly punished myself over the illusion that he died because he wanted to get away from the family, that he wanted me to be alone and unloved. From his death, I had a feeling of being abandoned, that the reason he left was because he didn't care. This made me not care about myself.

The conflict slowly grew and built up within me, forming hatred for myself. Since I didn’t really know who I was, I began to lash out at the world, hating everyone. I had the decision to turn to drugs or not. I had to decide whether to go to school or not. So many things were affected because I was battling with who I was, at the same time as battling with the hatred I had for myself. With everything just happening at once, it became unbearable and overwhelming. I began to worry and be anxious all the time, and I have never been able to fully overcome these feelings.

As time flew past, I began to ask myself many questions: "Why did I do this?", "Did I choose the right path?", "How would things be different if my father were still alive?". Conflict began to rule my life. It played a part in every aspect, consuming me, making me something/someone fearful of who I might be and what I might become. But as time went by and I reached the age of sixteen, the dust began settling and everything came rushing back to reality. I became more in touch with the truth. I realized that a person can't impose or force someone else to make or change their decisions about their own lives. It eventually relies on that individual's shoulders to make the ultimate decision. I had made the decision to take this experience to heart and hurt myself over and over because of it, but now I learned that there are things out of my control this being one of them.

From this experience, I have learned so many bits and pieces of wisdom that I live by. For example, I know now that my father’s death was not my fault, but his fault through years and years of bad decisions. I now know that I am not worthless or insignificant. I know now that I will make a difference in the world and that self-destruction is never the answer. You have no control over what someone else chooses to do with him or herself. You have control over how you respond to the challenges and conflicts of life.

Closing

There are so many different directions in which you push yourself, and so many different paths to take. What I want you to take from this story is the same thing that I have taken from it. Don’t be so hard on yourself, and don’t rush to conclusions that result in some sort of friction within one’s self. Don’t try to impose certain feelings of worthlessness or self-loathing upon yourself over things you ultimately have no control over. Know that the next time you feel in any way responsible for something that was out of your hands, take a second and think about what is happening before you blame yourself like I did in my earlier years.

This paper was presented by Justin at the 7th Annual Undergraduate Conference at Villa Julie College on Conflicts: National, Cultural, Political that was held on April 9, 2007.